THE DANCER UPSTAIRS (John Malkovich, 2003)

Reviewed: May 27th, 2003

"There must be some way out of here," said Jared to his watch,
"There's too much Spain's-answer-to-George Clooney-inexplicitly-acting-in-piss-poor-English, I can't get no relief.
Hollow revolutionaries, they blow shit up, supremely unfunny characters try and add hideously out-of-place mirth,
Jared doesn't have the slightest idea what any of this is worth."
"No reason to get excited," Jared's brain, it kindly spoke,
"There are many here among us who feel this movie and its vacuous revolutionaries fighting for god knows what are nothing but a deadly dull joke.
But you and I, we've been through that, and this somnolent movie is not our fate,
So let us not talk falsely now, this film drags and drags and drags and the hour is getting late."
All along the aisles, audiences struggled to stay awake
While the boring, doomed romance came and went, eyes closed their plates
Outside in the distance the totally fucking obvious conclusion did growl,
After more than two hours the end credits were approaching, but first Spain's-answer-to-George-Clooney has to spend three solid goddamn minutes watching his little stupid daughter dressed in a little stupid red dress perform a little stupid goddamn ballet dance.

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