SPIRITED AWAY (Hayao Miyazaki, 2002; dubbed version)

Reviewed: November 9th, 2002

The most insanely overpraised film of the year -- nay decade -- nay century -- is actually nothing more than a soporific non-story. Oh sure, there are wonderful images 'a plenty (the shot in which our bland, little girl protagonist first glimpses the veritable city across the sea, sumptuously drenched in orange and framed upper right, bland protagonist framed lower left; the first time the train is glimpsed skirting across its watery tracks; the second time the train is glimpsed skirting across its watery tracks; the sequence where our bland protagonist and a bunch of her decidedly bland companions are riding said train to a swampland; yes, I clearly have a train fetish), but they add up to nothing memorable nor worthwhile in the absence of wonderful anything-the-hell-else. I find it exceedingly ironic that Pixar head/Toy Story-Toy Story 2 helmer John Lasseter (who oversaw the US release of Spirited Away) considers writer/director Hayao Miyazaki a personal hero, since, pretty picture maven that Miyazaki might be, the guy has no idea how to tell an engaging freakin' story (the quality, above all else, that makes Lasseter and Pixar the true kings of animation right now). There's no real narrative throughline here (or only a simulacra of one and not nearly enough of a throughline to justify an absurdly plump over-two-freakin'-hours runtime), just the broad observation of our bland protagonist (did I mention how bland she is?), a little girl going through the motions of trying to restore her parents--who have been turned into pigs--to human form. Most every place Miyazaki attempts to takes his non-story (and there aren't many) feels strained to me: there's a twin sister brought in too late in the game to play as anything other than a desperate plot contrivance and one of the close-to-penultimate scenes in which our bland protagonist needs to recall/then easily does recall a crucial piece of information in order to save another bland character, nearly made me gag, so fucking convenient that it was. All the surreal artifice manages to strip away whatever oz. of emotion was initially present (although I'm not convinced there ever was a full oz. to begin with) and I very fast got sick of surprisingly uninspired creatures treating our bland protagonist cruelly. After my breaking point Spirited Away became nearly unbearable tedium (once the "stink monster"--which I'm sure had Kevin Smith rolling in the aisles--came around, I mentally signed off for good). Must of checked my watch upwards of twenty times all told and rarely remember being so happy to see an end credits scroll.

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